..thinking through..

hey i havent been blogging yea, though i said i did blog when i have done finish some drawings or so, which i havent been doing much lately but oh well today's blog is nothing too interesting to read about anyway..
more about quarrels between siblings and all..
i just needed somewhere where i can tell it all out, though i know hardly anyone reads from here haha
geez i dun feel like bothering my friends either, i want to pour it out to my parents, they are usually the ones who i tell about something and i feel so much better then..on second thought its all in a mess and its hard to tell them too, as i know i am in the wrong too..anyway, they are in malaysia now, wil be back tomorrow...
i mean i enjoy the freedom i get when they aren't around, but...

thats where i always feel where the trouble arises from..

today was really boring, basically i slacked off the whole entire day doing nothing but gaming... geez its horrible like that
i am going to make myself draw more often now! (familiar phrase yea? lol)

any way the problem;
me and my sis (shes 5 years younger than me)
well we are both stubborn people... i know i have been selfish in not lending the laptop and stuff..gah! but she cant always think that the laptop is always here for her to use?!?!

haiz...we just got into a horrible scream at each other...
throat is still hurting abit though..

i try to talk about it calmly and i just cant stand the way she talks to me...
she goes: "whatever..ever...ever...ever.." its irritating..i mean i am UR SIS?!
well she says that I DUNNO HER, she doesnt want to tell much anyway...
she totally behaves differently when she's outside and home! nothing unusual about that, i am like that too...i seem to be more calm and one who doesnt gets angry easily outside, whereas when i am home my parents know more about me haha...

geez back to the problem, it so stupid that i don't even know how to start...
it all started woth old stupid MapleStory... yea! a game that i actually stopped playing for quite sometime...which i start to play alittle now and then when i get really bored...
Maple is currently the only MMORPG game that me and my sis can play at the same time, due to the fact of the slow computer she uses to play, chat, and etc during her homework times etc... (u know wad? be contented that you are even surfing the net now as we have broadband now! in my days i don't even have the chance to surf the net! its only because due to projects, about when i was sec 3 do i only have the chance to surf and check out research! and i could only spend up to an hour, its dial up too!)

you may say that the world is changing, like how she/you will say that the world is developing, we all need changes, we need to improve in order to keep up with it and all...
Its true, be contented still!!

i am not saying she is not satisfied a not, gah i tink i am writing abit off already..

anyway, maple, she has a problem with the latest patch and cant play it, so i suggested for her to delete the whole entire game, and then reinstalled..yea i know i shouldnt be encouraging my sis to play games yea? but some times its just fun to play with someone you know in real life, and especially your sibling and all you know..
then training together, and leveling, helping each other...thats fantasy anyway haha

if its in reality i guess it might feel like doing homework together? (i tink we used to do that? until then i went into poly and used the computer most of the time..yea i suck being a sister, i don't check up on her homework anymore and ask her if she have any questions, and i do have a bad habit of when she ask me questions i will tell her later, (i mean any questions but for homework of cos i will answer asap) and then i tend to forget, a sucky sis yea? i guess so...
i don't even take good care of myself (like meal times lol?) and i am sure after typing all this out, i will reflect on it for awhile and then later again i will be up on my feet behaving normal like how i usually am again..(bad yea?)

see i am writing off again haha..sorry its just all my thoughts and how it runs...

oh well back to maple...yes about deleting the file, she said she had alot of screenshots in there, and dint want to delete it, and was lazy to move it...
alright then so just delete the other files then..
she dint want and said it was alright, (but she went: arrhhh never mind lar, just leave it) in a rather discontented way... (and besides if not she will keep bugging me to use the laptop lol? i am bad..)

and so thats how the fight started, stupid yea, she kept going whatever whatever...lol
irritating as i had said before, just really cant stand that attitude of hers and i am sure she cant stand me either...
she even closed the door and when i told her not to close, no response from her?
i went over to open the door and she said why cant i close the door? the aircon is on!
another irritating thing, she switches on the aircon as whenever she likes, even the comp too, (kinda like me...i switch on the laptop whenever i like to also now...but thats when i got my laptop...i don't do that when i don't have the laptop..) going to poly really changed my life... for the better or the worse? i don't know maybe the worse? for the better, i get over things more easily then before and worse? the more laziness? the more heck care attitude towards work? i guess so..
but i still love drawing...though i get lazy from time to time lol

i get more exposed by the net , after going to poly, knowing more about games which i dont know at all before, and really my sis was way ahead of me in all those before then...yea i am weird? or am i getting bad? or getting emo?

i wouldn't want to think as becoming emo, but sometimes thinking through about our emotions is good ne, it throws you back into reality and you think through all your actions, what you have done before and should you have reacted that way? even though its already been acted upon? questions and more questions behind it...

So am i trying to be more mature in my thinking now? hmm?
there are times when i will make myself think like that...but its that how really i will respond to in reality, i doubt so lol..
i tink i can write an essay with this long of...reflection?
i feel soo much better, being able to pen down...i mean type it all down...(net influenece huh? haha)

its all a chunk of thoughts, making completely no sense at all.. the only person that might have understand it would be me? lol and maybe my sis...but...
i dont even know whether i would like her to read it or i wouldnt even want her to read it... though chances are she will never read it...she doesnt know this link lol and i think she won't be interested i guess lol

ahh i dunno how to end this post...it feels complete yet theres still much from the bottom of what i want to say, but its all a bunch of mixed feelings...that i don't know how to break it all down and expressed it myself...it will looks just completely stupid which doesnt make any sense....but if you have read this post...all the way up to here.. thank you for reading my thoughts =)

and if any are worried about me? mainly my friends fishy i guess who will read my blog occassionally and my mei mei ^^
i am fine =) and i have cooled down long tims ago, which was about 40 mins ago when the fight ended? it was a short one...almost cried o.o i think...

i am just wondering now...when will this stupid thing end? and when will we start to respect each other? will our relationship as sisters get any better then its current situation? i have to do something about it right? haha i am clueless ^^
i guess i will just let nature takes it course =) i don't want to feel as though i am always the one who is giving way to her, even though it might have been her giving way to me at times? i don't know i don't want to think too much already...

ah! got to go do those chores its late!
and fishy-chan =) i owe u the tag ;) but not now =)

ja-ne~!