up and up =)

wee^^ i am fine already!! woohoo~!
actually i was long ago fine already =)
wow i am blogging again x3

cos i got this fish friend who is worrying..=( *hug fishy =)*
no worries ^^ i am really up and fine and really fine!! did some drawings today for a competition, its some audition costume design for christmas!
I am not good at fashion...i suck actually xD but it sounds like fun! and i will just give it a shot ^^

i shall update again later maybe when i am done with the colour reference of it =P

ja for now =)

..thinking through..

hey i havent been blogging yea, though i said i did blog when i have done finish some drawings or so, which i havent been doing much lately but oh well today's blog is nothing too interesting to read about anyway..
more about quarrels between siblings and all..
i just needed somewhere where i can tell it all out, though i know hardly anyone reads from here haha
geez i dun feel like bothering my friends either, i want to pour it out to my parents, they are usually the ones who i tell about something and i feel so much better then..on second thought its all in a mess and its hard to tell them too, as i know i am in the wrong too..anyway, they are in malaysia now, wil be back tomorrow...
i mean i enjoy the freedom i get when they aren't around, but...

thats where i always feel where the trouble arises from..

today was really boring, basically i slacked off the whole entire day doing nothing but gaming... geez its horrible like that
i am going to make myself draw more often now! (familiar phrase yea? lol)

any way the problem;
me and my sis (shes 5 years younger than me)
well we are both stubborn people... i know i have been selfish in not lending the laptop and stuff..gah! but she cant always think that the laptop is always here for her to use?!?!

haiz...we just got into a horrible scream at each other...
throat is still hurting abit though..

i try to talk about it calmly and i just cant stand the way she talks to me...
she goes: "whatever..ever...ever...ever.." its irritating..i mean i am UR SIS?!
well she says that I DUNNO HER, she doesnt want to tell much anyway...
she totally behaves differently when she's outside and home! nothing unusual about that, i am like that too...i seem to be more calm and one who doesnt gets angry easily outside, whereas when i am home my parents know more about me haha...

geez back to the problem, it so stupid that i don't even know how to start...
it all started woth old stupid MapleStory... yea! a game that i actually stopped playing for quite sometime...which i start to play alittle now and then when i get really bored...
Maple is currently the only MMORPG game that me and my sis can play at the same time, due to the fact of the slow computer she uses to play, chat, and etc during her homework times etc... (u know wad? be contented that you are even surfing the net now as we have broadband now! in my days i don't even have the chance to surf the net! its only because due to projects, about when i was sec 3 do i only have the chance to surf and check out research! and i could only spend up to an hour, its dial up too!)

you may say that the world is changing, like how she/you will say that the world is developing, we all need changes, we need to improve in order to keep up with it and all...
Its true, be contented still!!

i am not saying she is not satisfied a not, gah i tink i am writing abit off already..

anyway, maple, she has a problem with the latest patch and cant play it, so i suggested for her to delete the whole entire game, and then reinstalled..yea i know i shouldnt be encouraging my sis to play games yea? but some times its just fun to play with someone you know in real life, and especially your sibling and all you know..
then training together, and leveling, helping each other...thats fantasy anyway haha

if its in reality i guess it might feel like doing homework together? (i tink we used to do that? until then i went into poly and used the computer most of the time..yea i suck being a sister, i don't check up on her homework anymore and ask her if she have any questions, and i do have a bad habit of when she ask me questions i will tell her later, (i mean any questions but for homework of cos i will answer asap) and then i tend to forget, a sucky sis yea? i guess so...
i don't even take good care of myself (like meal times lol?) and i am sure after typing all this out, i will reflect on it for awhile and then later again i will be up on my feet behaving normal like how i usually am again..(bad yea?)

see i am writing off again haha..sorry its just all my thoughts and how it runs...

oh well back to maple...yes about deleting the file, she said she had alot of screenshots in there, and dint want to delete it, and was lazy to move it...
alright then so just delete the other files then..
she dint want and said it was alright, (but she went: arrhhh never mind lar, just leave it) in a rather discontented way... (and besides if not she will keep bugging me to use the laptop lol? i am bad..)

and so thats how the fight started, stupid yea, she kept going whatever whatever...lol
irritating as i had said before, just really cant stand that attitude of hers and i am sure she cant stand me either...
she even closed the door and when i told her not to close, no response from her?
i went over to open the door and she said why cant i close the door? the aircon is on!
another irritating thing, she switches on the aircon as whenever she likes, even the comp too, (kinda like me...i switch on the laptop whenever i like to also now...but thats when i got my laptop...i don't do that when i don't have the laptop..) going to poly really changed my life... for the better or the worse? i don't know maybe the worse? for the better, i get over things more easily then before and worse? the more laziness? the more heck care attitude towards work? i guess so..
but i still love drawing...though i get lazy from time to time lol

i get more exposed by the net , after going to poly, knowing more about games which i dont know at all before, and really my sis was way ahead of me in all those before then...yea i am weird? or am i getting bad? or getting emo?

i wouldn't want to think as becoming emo, but sometimes thinking through about our emotions is good ne, it throws you back into reality and you think through all your actions, what you have done before and should you have reacted that way? even though its already been acted upon? questions and more questions behind it...

So am i trying to be more mature in my thinking now? hmm?
there are times when i will make myself think like that...but its that how really i will respond to in reality, i doubt so lol..
i tink i can write an essay with this long of...reflection?
i feel soo much better, being able to pen down...i mean type it all down...(net influenece huh? haha)

its all a chunk of thoughts, making completely no sense at all.. the only person that might have understand it would be me? lol and maybe my sis...but...
i dont even know whether i would like her to read it or i wouldnt even want her to read it... though chances are she will never read it...she doesnt know this link lol and i think she won't be interested i guess lol

ahh i dunno how to end this post...it feels complete yet theres still much from the bottom of what i want to say, but its all a bunch of mixed feelings...that i don't know how to break it all down and expressed it myself...it will looks just completely stupid which doesnt make any sense....but if you have read this post...all the way up to here.. thank you for reading my thoughts =)

and if any are worried about me? mainly my friends fishy i guess who will read my blog occassionally and my mei mei ^^
i am fine =) and i have cooled down long tims ago, which was about 40 mins ago when the fight ended? it was a short one...almost cried o.o i think...

i am just wondering now...when will this stupid thing end? and when will we start to respect each other? will our relationship as sisters get any better then its current situation? i have to do something about it right? haha i am clueless ^^
i guess i will just let nature takes it course =) i don't want to feel as though i am always the one who is giving way to her, even though it might have been her giving way to me at times? i don't know i don't want to think too much already...

ah! got to go do those chores its late!
and fishy-chan =) i owe u the tag ;) but not now =)

ja-ne~!

school holidays are coming to an END

for today's updates =)

hi fishy~! (okey i promised to tt)

and now to updates xD
was chatting with Andre before updating here =) and he did give me pretty good ideas for "Always There" and looks like i should becareful not to spill out too much of the story too =p
But its really pleasant to have someone asking you about your story =) it kinda makes u feel motivated somehow, at least it works for me =)

If you have heard of "Brothers" before, the script that i have typed out before isn't the whole story, it actually still continues but i havent gotten commited enough to start typing them all out yet (also due to the lack of story ideas for continuation)... Orz

I am trying my best to whenever i do a new drawing or whenever i submit art in deviant art to update the blog...if not i may never do that lol
So recently, one of my deviant art watchers DarkWingedWolf asked me to do an art trade with her, it was my first time and i aint very sure on how i should get about doing it too~ but i am coping =) and its pretty fun as she is going to draw 2 of my favourite characters from my story "Brothers" Chad and Allan, portraying them as wolves, sounds exciting =) as i never really though of their colour theme yet (up to date i only decided on their hair colour @@~ i have to work harder lol) yea and i can't wait for it~!
On the other hand, i am going to draw her wolf character Suburo, as i hardly draw any wolves o.o so i can safely say i suck at drawing them @@~ i am going to draw a humanised form of Suburo though i did draw Suburo as a wolf beside it too, but it looks rather awkward still lol~
i still have to refine the drawing and then do the colouring, i have only done the under drawing/sketch of it now~ click to see sketch

and school is starting @@~ yikes....

i hope i blogged quite a chunk today o.o
(and abt 15 minutes ago i don't even know what i should update on lol)

i guess tts all for now then =)
ja~^^

wolf updates!!

yay i am updating again owo~
i havent stop blogging yet~ i dread for that time to come =x
and so i finally completed another request but this time it was done really horribly OTL (to see how horrible~ check out the link at the side under "i wanna sleep 2")
sorry ray T.T~

RAWR~! ( <--- i just gotta blame fishy-chan for making RAWR~! a habit in my online chats...its even affecting my present speech o.O~)
ToT weeee~! school is starting again soon ( SO NOT WEEEE~!) bleh~ =|
i am getting cranky and restless these days @_@ not much mood to do art too x.x~
i keep thinking of wanting to watch anime~

AND i just can't think of how to make "Always There" the story to continue!! I only have a general idea and i don't wish to have my stories to come up with romance again o.o it just seems so cliche~ unless i really am clueless then i might have to resort to it @@~ and noo it won't be a brother x sister love relationship (incest @@~ NOO!!)
i started trying out some sketches on how the siblings might look like~ i kinda like the guy one but the girl one seems off~ me need jiayou!
GAH =o=~ this time this holidays just pass by soo fast~soo fast~

tts all for now @@~ i get blurrer by the day~
ja~=)

Upadate at last o.o~

ohio desu~!! 4am ne =x
AHH! Fishy-chan BAKA desu! Wanna stay up to see me update finish blog which is like nothing much~ Gomen fishy-chan T.T

So yea.. I did some organising of the layouts which really was @@~ its been making me more blur than i ever am.. not that many people actually come read my blog...also i am not even sure i will be making a steady update every now and then! but i will try oxo
But I updated it as i wanted to make it more organised and hopefully by doing so i will actually gain the motivation to do more drawings!! I need to improve~!

Baka Fishy-chan T0T~

i have been thinking whether i should start doing a manga of "Always There" or should i just continue developing the story, the manga could be a good practice and also a good head start for me try out doing manga...(i need to be more committed in work too o.o)

talking abt today...I mean yesterday since its already 4am+~ @@~
i had fun doing some shopping owo something i hardly do but i was with my budum =) i was glad none-the-less in the end~ helping out with choosing the clothings was rather fun^^
I even tried out a dress o.o!!! *shakes that thought away* and it felt so weird @@~ cos i don't really wear dresses~ maybe another time, it didn't suit me anyway.
Love ya Budum ;3

and baka fishy-chan! T.T~
thnx for accompanying me thru the nights when i still havent sleep T.T~!!! *hug*

and tts all for now i guess o.o~
ja~!

"Always There"

A girl sleeps soundly in her bed unaware of his hand reaching out towards her. He pulls her blanket over her shoulders, tucking her into bed. She was already a teenager, a young adult to be, even so, he does this every night without fail. She continues to sleep as he watches over her.

She stirs in her bed, feeling a presence near her, she slowly opens her eyes, but he was already gone. The “Happy Birthday” card remained unmoved on her study table.

Scene01
Timidly, Cammy, walks to her new school alone. She is a freshman at Singapore Polytechnic, so it was a totally new surrounding as compared to her Secondary School. She was no longer just a teenager, she was already becoming a young adult learning to be independent.

As she walks under the sheltered walkway, a black pickup speeds pass her on the empty road. It startled her, stirring up her past before her. A hand rests on her shoulders to calm her and she relaxes. Curious, she turns to see who the kind soul is, but she sees no one.

Scene02

Continuing her pace, she walks to the door of her classroom and she reluctantly opens the door of her class for the first lesson. As she enters, she noticed there were already other students there. They all turned to stare at her.

“They are also just like you, don’t worry so much. You will do just fine.”

A familiar voice ringed through her head, she has definitely heard this voice before, however it was a little different, and it sounded a lot mature. Instinctively, she turned around and sees no one there again.

As she turned her head back, she sees a girl approaching her.
“Hey. I am Tyla. What’s yours?”

“Cammy.”

“Cool! Want to join us? The more people the merrier!”

“Thanks,” feeling not as anxious as before, she smiled.

Hidden by the shadows, in the corner of the room where a man stood, unnoticed by the students in the class. His face showed a relieved smile.

Scene03

Orientation starts as the seniors came into the classroom to demonstrate to the freshman on how to use the Black Board which is the school’s intranet. Time passed by quickly, and lunch time came.

Tyla opened the door for Cammy and the class girls as they walk along the corridor to the food courts to have their meals. Cammy sees a man walked past her.

“Kor? (it means brother in a dialect slang)” Cammy choked on her words.

“What?! Cammy you have an elder brother? Is he good-looking?!” Tyla exclaimed.

“Yea,” she answered subconsciously.

“You must bring his photo one day to show us!”

Scene04

Back at home, she placed her bag at the end of her bed. She lies down on her bed in a daze, as she stares at her room ceiling. She hears Tyla voice going through her mind,

“What?! Cammy you have an older brother? Is he good-looking?!”

“Yea, Tyla. I had an older brother, but…he’s long gone…trying to protect me.” Cammy choked on her words as tears roll down her cheeks.

Her memory of the tragic past flashes before her, as she experiences the car accident her brother was in. All because of her, he died. Six years ago, because of her…

Scene05

“Ah! My keychain-,“ young Cammy stretches out her hand and tries in vain to reach out for her keychain that she dropped in the middle of the road.

“No Cam, let’s cross the road first. Its dangerous.” Shawn pulls Cammy back to the side of the road.

“Kor! My keychain.”

“Its too dangerous, we will get another one ok?”

“I don’t want. You gave me that keychain for my birthday this year. How can I just leave it there?” Being naïve, young Cammy dashes across the road to pick up the keychain.

“Cam! Come back here now,” Shawn protested as she ignored him.

As she got hold of it and was ready to get to the other side of the road where Shawn was waiting, a black pickup was speeding towards her. An anxious Shawn saw it and tried to warn his sister but to no avail.

“CAM! Hurry and come over here!” He shouted out to her.

“Huh? What’s kor trying to say?” She looked up to him clueless.

With no time to spare, Shawn runs as fast as he can to get Cammy out of the pickup’s way. He managed to get there in time, he pushes her over to one side of the road, causing the keychain to drop. He picked it up, and tried to move away from the pickup’s course, but it was too late.

The driver braked as hard as he could, but it was too late. Shawn was sent flying in the air and Cammy could only watch and screamed in horror. “Kor-!!!”

Cammy ran to her brother’s side, “Kor-,“ eyes filled with tears at the sight of her seriously injured brother. He tried to lift his clasped hand towards her, opening up his palm for her, revealing the keychain. Cammy took it from his hand, all teary-eyed and his brother’s hand dropped to his side with a dull thud.

Young and not knowing what to do, with the driver beside her, she yelled sorry to her brother and willed for him to stop the pretence.

Scene06

She grabbed a nearby pillow and hugged it for comfort but it didn’t help to stop her tears from falling. A knock on the door interrupted her chain of thoughts, “Cammy darling, are you crying?” her mum asked, voice filled with concern. Cammy tried to wipe away her tears, “Nope mummy, I am fine.” She tried to sound like how she normally is.

She sits up, leaning against the wall. Wondering to herself, “sometimes I wonder. Does kor truly exist? Mum and Dad doesn’t talk about him anymore. Was it just a figment of my imagination?”

As she ponders, her hand felt something hard, something which was of much value to her. The keychain. Faint bloodstains still could be seen on it. She remembered how hard her brother clasped onto the keychain for her. She couldn’t take it anymore and started to burst into tears, she caught sight of the “Happy Birthday” card she made for her brother who would be turning 20 this year.

She held up the card and the keychain, tears still flowing down. Hugging herself, knees tucked in, she repeatedly muttered under her breath, “sorry”. She then felt a presence hugging her, trying to comfort her. A surge of warmth coming over her, it was very soothing. “Hey, Cam.” He said in a gentle tone with a reassuring smile on his face.

“This voice, it’s the voice I heard in class.” She thought, not knowing what to make out of it.

Cammy lifts up her head to see her brother wiping the tear from her face with his hand. She was filled with mixed feelings, one of shock and happiness. She grabs him and hugged him like she never did before.

“He does exist, kor does exist-” she continues to cry, ignoring the fact whether her brother is alive or dead. He was there, in front of her, it was more then she could ask for.

“Kor don’t leave me again. I am sorry.” Cammy pleaded.
“Come on Cam, its not your fault.” Shawn said as he hugged his little sister back, “I will always be there for you.”

what should i do?

wee~ tml, i mean today, I am having a bbq with my year01 class, 1A02 aka 1B02, slacker class =D~ oops =X
i am pretty excited to get to see everyone again later~! yes~!
However, actually i have something else on sunday..seems like my family and my uncle and family will be celeberating in advance my mum's birthday, yea..
geez i will be missing out on my mum's birthday and its not that i want to. Its just that i made a promise to my friends that i will be going to this bbq with them first before i came to know about the birthday celeberation, and what more, the whole class is actually going so how can i not go..
though i will be disappointing both parties if i don't go to either one..
Well i know its my bad for not checking the calendar properly on when my parents might be celeberating my mum's birthday..i hope to make it up to her..i am planning to do something for her perhaps, when u am done with my assignments..
So i hope my actions sounds justified..

and yea i am still rushing my assignments lol, last minute AGAIN quite so =p
and again i did the story slowly, taking my own sweet time as usual, thats just so me lol =p
hmm..so i guess thats all for today =D it was pretty fun to write the story i shall post it in here for fun lol..and the story really is confusing and hard to understand..you will see what i mean later...=.=" if you read it..

hey^^ once again

Hi =D its been a terribly long time since I have blogged, thus i thought i would just make a new blog and use it. So i will try my best to update as much as possible =p (i can't promise that).
This will be a very short entry as I am once again rushing for assignments and I am currently falling asleep now...
I will work on the blog again another day ;D
until then~
ja~^^